Dear 20’s
Hello dear readers, how have we all been doing?
Well, I’ve been good and I’ve been enjoying the mercies and blessings of the most high upon my life.
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If there’s anything I’ve ever been more grateful for, it would be growth. I’m constantly thanking God for how far I have come and how far I will keep going. It’s not by my might or by my strength that I’ve been able to accomplish all that I ever accomplished. God did, and he always will. But, in as much as I’ve always been an advocate for growth, for the first time since I could remember I felt afraid to accept a particular change that would occur sooner than expected in my life. What is this change you may ask? Well, I’m turning 20 this year. For the longest of time, after finally becoming a teenager I always wanted to grow more. I wanted to see myself in my 20’s succeeding and elevating. But, now that it’s almost here, it feels so surreal. I can’t believe in less than a few months I won’t be a teenager anymore. I can’t believe that I’m gradually growing up and starting to live up to the imaginations of adulthood that I had set for myself ever since I was a little girl. In as much as I am grateful, I’m also scared. Scared of what the outside world has to offer me, scared of making core decisions In my life and most importantly, scared of change.
I started to feel withdrawn, I slowly started to creep back into that insecure girl I had once struggled to fight off. I started to act out. I would sometimes get mad at people for the wrongest of reasons. And sometimes, I cried. All these is because the reality of life is finally dawning on me. It seems like life is telling me it’s not perfect. Adulthood scares me because one moment I’m in school, next moment I’m graduating. Next thing people start to lose touch because we’re all trying to figure out our lives. Why must the journey to adulthood be this stressful?! Why must I have to feel soo insecure about it? Am I enough? Am I ready for the outside world? These were the thoughts that filled my head for quite a number of days.
My answer to all these is : No, I do not know why the journey to adulthood is stressful. No, I do not know why I’m insecure about it. Yes, I am enough. No, I am not ready for the outside world and I probably never will be and so were the adults before me and so will the ones after me.
The truth is as humans we tend to focus soo much on the present that when the future we long articulated for finally comes, we do not know how to feel or what to do about it. And this is fine. Life is not something we have to figure out in a day. We have to take it one day at a time because there’s no manual to this thing called life we only have to do it to the best of our abilities. Have I stopped worrying? No. Will I ever stop? No. But who am I to question my future? Who am I to worry about a future that isn’t fixed? The creator who has been seeing me through it, will continue to see me through it all. I realized while thinking that I am planning and stressing over a future I have no idea about. But, who exactly saw me through the teenage years I’m leaving behind? God. Who saw me through out my toddler years? God. And who will see me throughout my Adult years? God. Why fret over what you can’t control when the one who is in control is not afraid? Why cry over what you can’t control when the one who is in control is watching over you? These are the things I’ve said to myself. I got scared over something I couldn’t control and will never be able to control. This is life, we have no power to control where it takes us but, we can control who we choose to be wherever it takes us.
If you are in the same situation as me, do not fret! Don’t be scared! Don’t look back! Let the future lead and you follow. Wherever it leads you to, never forget who you are.
I have decided to embrace my 20’s however it meets me and enjoy it to the fullest because I would never have days like it again.
Dear 20, I hope you come with joy, happiness, fulfillment, love, grace and gratitude. I hope you are everything I prayed for infact, I know you will be everything I have prayed for. I won’t fret! I won’t run but I will embrace you like the gift you are as indeed, I’m grateful to God for the gift that you will be.
Dear reader, always remember that the future is not ours to make but it’s ours to decide. Never feel like you need to have it all figured out. Taking life one day at a time is indeed a gift itself. So relax, breathe and enjoy the moment.